medical adventures in south bombay

it's pouring rain outside. trains blare by as if we're in the middle of a railway platform. im at the clinic, sittin awkwardly in the waiting room, wondering if they will ever get around to me with all these other sick people ahead of me. not to mention the language barrier. this place is shady, but what am i gonna do. i need some medical attention and this is the best i could find over the past 3 days. an old muslim lady in hijab is rocking back and forth down the hallway, saying 'allah, allah' over and over, in a strained voice. she is in serious pain. they finally acknowledge me and say they are ready. i walk down the hall in place of swinging doors, all the rooms have bed sheets hanging in the doorway. since all the windows are open the sheets are waving in and out like some horror film set. i walk into the examination room and a tall bony doctor grins at me. his eye sockets are like moon craters, and as he points a exam table for me to lay on it seems that his waify fingers might snap off at any moment. a flourescent light buzzes from above, sending a sickly green glow to the ancient equipment below. the mix of paint peeling walls and cracked tiled floors feels more like a mortuary than a health clinic. but what am i gonna do. i need some help and this is the best i could find. i havent passed anything thru my system in days and i can barely sit down or stand up without excruciating pain. ive already tried another hospital and 2 other doctors. and i thought the US health system was tricky to navigate. "so. what is the problem." here we go again. i ask him if he has some sheet they can put on the exam table cuz one look at it and im scared to death of who else or what else has been on it. just then my phone rings. a family friend. theyve got another doctor for me, someone they know and trust. in fact a family relation. salvation! ... she says get out of there i dont trust this place. so i use my broken english as a means to slip out the door. thank god for family and friends...

the new clinic is night and day. clean. people smile. speak english. and when they stick fingers up your ass they actually use gloves. that's about all im gonna say right now. maybe one day ill tell the full story, because aside from the pain, the graphic descriptions, and the intensely personal nature of what was to follow, it is absolutely hilarious. let's just say i walked out feeling a few pounds lighter and a million bucks stronger. i used to be scared of what would happen if i ate the fruit here. but now, i much more frightened what happens if i don't.